It blows my mind that anyone can save

Could you tell me a little bit about you and your life?

I’m single and live alone. I read recently that single people pay, on average, about £800 more a month than those in a couple, and I definitely feel that. I'm soon to be 40 and work as a middle manager for a charity. It's a really interesting sector. I used to be a teacher but left to work for the charity, and love it. I went to Uni when I was 18 and lived in my uni city for about 17 years. However, I moved back home about 5 years ago after deciding I wanted to buy a house closer to family.

I have a mortgage and a help-to-buy loan on my wee two bed semi, which I love although it's feeling a but cramped at the moment, now that I've worked from home for 3 years. It's just me and my old dog, but it's a nice place to live, and my mortgage is a quarter of what it would be if I'd stayed in Edinburgh. I live close to my family, and I love them, but it's hard because my dad is emotionally abusive and controlling, so I try to make everything better for my mum.

Broke Hargreaves Langdown revealed that, on average, a single person spends £1,851 per month on typical bills, including food, internet and a Netflix subscription. But someone in a couple would spend just £991 on the same services.

Single people were also less likely to have sufficient emergency savings, at 53%compared with 79% of those in relationships, a poll by Hargreaves Lansdown found. They were less likely to have enough cash left over at the end of the month to be considered financially resilient, at 14% compared with 47% of people in couples.

How much do you earn at the moment?

I've had a bit of a portfolio career. I have a BA, a PGCE and an MA, and it's sort of led me here. I'm on £38k, and it's the most money I've ever earned, but it still just goes on bills.

What's your biggest financial worry at the moment?

My biggest financial worry is that it will never get any better. My pay just goes on bills. I've never been on a holiday abroad, I don't buy clothes, yet I don't have much. My mum buys my food at the moment. I just think it'll never get better and things will only get more expensive. But I'm the queen of getting interesting jobs and I'm the only one of my family to have gone to uni and I earn more than anyone in my family ever did. I had a job I took for money, and it was dreadful and toxic and bad for my mental health, so I just left. I got a better and more well-paid job, but it still doesn't cover everything.

What do you think people, particularly older generations or wealthier people, fail to understand about the challenges experienced today?

I think there's a distinction between older and weathier. My folks are in their 80s and live week to week with what they get through pensions. They definitely don't fail to grasp the challenges. My mam is terrified of running up the gas bill, so she pays weekly and rings me to check up on her account weekly (I can do it online). What I think the issue is, personally, is that no one really understands the financial impact of abuse. So I grew up not really understanding how to manage money, and I have a real scarcity mindset.

I cover all my bills by direct debit in one day, and if I do have any cash left, which is once in a blue moon, I spend it on something to keep my mental health good through the tighter months (normally art supplies). I think wealthier people don't understand how you can have nothing in the bank or less than nothing. They may think they are having a tight month, but they may still have something. It's unfathomable to them that someone who works full time may have absolutely nothing and be living on actual pennies.

Could you elaborate on what you mean by the cost of abuse?

So by the cost of abuse, I mean that in an abusive household, especially one where there's coercive control, money is never talked about. Shopping is hidden, and a fear around money and guilt is created. As a result, I was never taught about money, how to manage money, how to budget etc. We were never allowed to talk about it.

When I left home and suddenly had money, I didn't know how to look after it. I was finally able to buy things I wanted, and so I did. Plus, with abuse, there's always a hole you're trying to fill, experiences you want to give yourself because you never had them growing up.

Is there anything that gives you hope or keeps you going?

Hope or keeps me going...erm... it's just this internal belief that things will get better and that I have family and friends who will always love me. I enjoy my work so I'm not working for the money, that makes working easier. I'm grateful for everything I do have and that helps. Also yoga. And my dog. 😊