My grandad's will broke up our family... here's how.

Tell me a bit about your situation

I have a very small family, one sibling and just one auntie/ uncle on each side of the family. This issue happened on my mum's side of the family, which was already made smaller due to my mum and her siblings losing their parents when my mum was four - so the man I call my 'grandad' is actually no biological relation to any of us. Neither my auntie or uncle have ever had children.

We lost my grandad and after he passed we discovered that myself & sibling (only grandchildren in the family) were left his estate with the parents/ my uncles etc. receiving a small-ish amount each. Myself and my sibling offered to sell grandads belongings and use that money to "buffer" the other family members inheritance... Well it wasn't enough for them and we got landed with a property caveat, 3 years of legal battles and hefty solicitors payments (£40k up to that point), and one day the family member gave up because the estate literally wasn't worth the debt we were all getting into. To anyone wondering if fighting inheritance is worth it, it isn't. One thing that really stuck out is how it went sour so quickly. I remember being disgusted that we were discussing his money whilst waiting for the funeral car to arrive! His funeral was a Tuesday and a caveat was in place by the following week.

What was your relationship like with him when he was alive?

When grandad was alive, my mum and my sister helped out the most, myself intermittently (I don't work your average 9-5) and my auntie/ uncle never. They wouldn't even call to wish him Merry Christmas (and we have evidence of this in the daily diaries my grandad wrote)

Do you know why he chose to leave just you and your sibling something?

I'm not entirely sure why he only left it to us, no one knew his will until he died. My assumption is that his three 'kids' were all adults and owned houses (plus my uncle would always brag about the properties he owned etc. even though we knew it was bollocks). However, me and my sister were both early/ mid 20s at the time of him writing his will so I think he thought it made the most logistical sense. He left my mum and her siblings, his own sibling and her daughter £1,000 each as well as £1,000 to various charities.

Were your parents involved in the fall out?

My mum was involved, yes, and it's still affecting us to this day. She's understandably devastated after already losing her parents that she now basically has no family left. However, she did become a first time grandma this week. She was very close with her sister and basically just can't understand why she took her brother's side when we know how awful he was.

How has it impacted your family?

We literally have no relationship with either of them anymore; we were all blocked on social media when they first served (not sure if that's the right term?!) the caveat to us. The most annoying thing is that we spent thousands of pounds just trying to get them to go away, but my uncle actually attacked my house and my car after he was served legal proceedings by our solicitor (because we literally didn’t have a choice but to serve them to get him to go away). It's been two years since that incident and I still struggle to sleep.

How has it changed your perspective about death/wills?

It has made me realise how important it is to have a will in place and to make sure it is up to date. I also think it has made me more aware of how quickly things can change and how important it is to make sure you are taking care of your family. I saw a post not too long ago where someone had a line in their will along the lines of "anyone who contests this will shall automatically receive £1 inheritance and nothing further" - I will be writing those same words into my own inheritance.

Also, with a caveat, you have to have reasonable grounds to contest the will. Cue my uncle telling his solicitors that we coerced my grandad into changing his will, that we made grandad spend money for us to go on holiday (very insulting when you are two strong women who work hard for your money), that he provided all the care for my grandad (saw him maybe three times in five years) etc. etc.. The accusations he made against us were heartbreaking, when actually we just cared for grandad and my uncle only saw him as money. I get him being surprised he didn't receive much, but for him to do what he did to our family is just unbelievable. Also, my grandad lived in a two-bed flat, with no savings etc. - we aren't talking about some giant house that's worth millions!

Both my mum and dad changed their wills almost instantly and made it very clear what was written in them. One client told me she is leaving all her money to charity and to no family members - the 'old' me probably would have thought, "Oh wow, that's not the typical route." And now I think, "Bloody good on you!”

I don't get why people think they have so much authority over other people's finances, decisions, and wishes, especially when they hardly had anything to do with them in the first place.

Just to add, the solicitors etc. really add up. My sister spent all her savings paying up front, and when that money ran out, the solicitor offered us no-win-no-fee. The terms? If we lose in court, we pay nothing. If we win, we pay 100% commission to the solicitor. We were estimated £60,000–£80,000 in court costs alone, so if we won it would have been double that and subsequently wiped out the entirety of Grandad's estate and more. As you can imagine, I did not sleep well and worried for so long. I just kept thinking why have I been landed with this, over a decision that someone else made in 2017?!

I think if you have reasonable belief that someone was coerced into changing a will etc., then by all means challenge it. A caveat costs £20 online and lasts six months. However, if you are purely doing it out of spite or greed, then it is absolutely not worth it. My uncle spent around £19,000 for his solicitors etc., which explains why he decided to drop it. By the time he was all in, even if he did win, he would only get back his own money that he spent chasing Grandad's money.

How did it all end? And how much did you lose out on/spend on legal fees?

It ended very anti-climactically—we were two weeks away from court and I got a phone call from my solicitor on a Friday morning to say my uncle had dropped the whole thing and he was just sending off whatever document it was to remove the caveat.

Legal fees—gosh, I would maybe say £10,000ish of our own money before being put on no-win-no-fee. Then it was £14,000 on NWNF with the 100% commission on top and then the VAT. So let's say £10k of our own money to the solicitor and then £35k-ish after that. So a very expensive £45k argument about someone else's money, that I didn't even ask for in the first place! But yes, if it would have gone to court etc., including the NWNF, it would have cost us around £150–180,000.

One thing I will say about all of this is, a lot of people tell me I'm 'lucky' to receive inheritance and they really have no clue about what it actually entails. I'd have happily never had it in the first place.