"My husband hid debt from me and I just can’t let it go"
Navigating love and £20k debt while planning for parenthood—how do you balance love and finances?
I’m in my late 20s and have floated around different jobs and roles since graduating university, but they’ve mostly been based in the technology sector. I live not far from one of the bigger Northern cities but there is definitely a pressure - especially for roles in tech - to move to London. Unfortunately for both professional and personal reasons, that’s never happened.
After graduating I landed my first job in what many would consider a morally questionable company - debt collection. I was separated enough from the front-line day to day to justify the work, as I had bills to pay and ambitions in life. I managed 12 weeks before quitting because I found the work boring and frustrating; but told friends and family it was because I became disillusioned with the company’s ethics and practices.
I then immediately moved to a company that most would consider morally sound, perhaps even positive (the NHS) and worked in different roles for many years. I worked on and eventually lead projects that undoubtedly saved and/or improved lives.
I was tired of working for the NHS: the hours were long, the work was thankless and it felt like a boy’s club at the top. To progress it was no longer about what you knew, but who you knew. People were often promoted due to their length of service rather than ability, and this led to me witnessing situations where misplaced loyalties had people promoted to roles they were not qualified to manage - and patient care was compromised.
I realised I was just a small cog in a large machine and it was time to move, despite being well paid (a lot more than those with clinical backgrounds). I applied half-heartedly for a few roles outside the NHS with an old CV before being headhunted by a large gambling company. I took it and initially worked in data security, but have progressed to more of a project management role since, specifically around user and information security.
The package they offered was staggering. I knew I was likely going to get a pay rise moving from the public to private sector as well as working for a morally questionable company, but I doubled my already substantial salary. I now make a little over 100k, before bonus (which is a minimum of 9%), and get many other perks. I get private healthcare - which is frankly invaluable, can work from home which has made my work life balance far better, I get overtime, stock options, and uncapped leave amongst numerous other things. It would have been next to impossible to justify turning the role down; if not only from a financial standpoint, it was also the next step in my career to work for a global company that would allow me to progress on the fast track.
Honestly, no. It feels like I could be working for any large company, be it a bank or a large retail chain. I justify the work to myself by saying that if I wasn’t doing the job, somebody else would be, so it may as well be me. Personally I don’t gamble and never have, but I have no moral objection too it. Plenty of my friends and family do, and if people want to then I believe that is their choice and that for the vast majority it has no real meaningful negative impact. I am of course aware that it can be dangerous and in some cases ruin lives, and we do undoubtedly target individuals who are seen as vulnerable but profitable. However, I feel like any large business looking to make profit does this in one way or another.
I have also found that there is often an unspoken side of these types of businesses that perhaps rightly is often swept under the carpet - and that is the good they do too. As a company we raise millions for charity each year and donate anonymously, we sponsor various sports teams and sporting initiatives - again anonymously - and in our particular case the outreach and support offered to those who are addicted to gambling surprised me. It does feel like they want to promote responsibility and accountability, but I do however appreciate that this is all good marketing and branding.
The people are great. It's like anywhere; there are some who I don't get on with, but on the whole we're a very supportive, inclusive and diverse workforce, and mental health is incredibly well looked after (uncapped leave plays a big part in that).
On the whole my family have been very supportive, but I think this is because they can see that the role allows me to live a very comfortable life without having to rely on others. I know some friends do judge and have openly admitted they wouldn't take a role in the gambling industry, but I counter that no company is truly ethical, and would you work for a bank who repossess houses? Would you work for a supermarket who sells a product that is often unethically sourced? Would you work for a retail shop who sells clothes made in sweatshops? I know that's a little bit like the meme that says “ah you can't have any morals if you use a smartphone that's undoubtedly made using components sourced using child labour”, but where do you draw the line?
I don’t see myself in the industry long-term because it can be quite high-pressure and results-focused. I would like to get back into to helping people, as there’s a lot to be said for that, and I’m proud of the work I have done before. I’m not proud to work for a gambling company. For now though, I’m looking to pay off my mortgage as quickly as possible and create a nice savings pot to support myself and my loved ones. I have been offered roles at companies that I would consider more morally objectionable (most notably weapons manufacturing) and have turned them down despite been offered another healthy pay rise. I think this helps justify to myself that I’m not a complete mercenary and do have some morals, although friends and family have, in the past, disagreed.
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