Go Fund Yourself

How has your background shaped your perspective on money?

I've never worried much about money, even though at some points I absolutely should have. I never really had much help financially from my parents, but somehow always made things work as I'm quite good at saving. At one point during university I had no way of paying for things when my student loan didn’t come through, and looking back I should have freaked out more than I did!

How would you describe your approach to finances with friends?

My friends and I don't talk about money. We often talk about our jobs, and although friends have asked me how much I make, I don't mention it. It's too personal and rude in my opinion. I've known my whole group of friends for over 7 years, and so they've seen me grow from junior to super senior positions and make a name for myself in my industry.

Can you share more about the instances where you felt your friend’s stinginess impacted your relationship?

I’ve had multiple issues with this friend and over the years resentment has grown. For example, we went on holiday and they didn’t contribute anything to the hotel stay. I ended up paying for them to stay with me and I was then told I owed them £9.20 when we got back. They didn't even thank me for sharing my room with them. It got to the point where they would charge me for eating some of their chips at the end of a meal. I knew from that point I had to be careful with how I approached the friendship.

How has it made you feel?

I am repeatedly very disappointed because across our whole friendship I’ve organised birthday parties and given them really thoughtful wedding gifts, and no gesture has ever been returned. Whenever it comes to my celebrations I receive nothing, including when I got married! I’m sick of being in situations with them if money is involved. Because it has built up over time, even the smallest of things will irk me now e.g. grabbing an uber with me and not offering to pay, or asking if they can take some food from my place if they've visited.

Have you talked to her about the financial imbalance in the relationship?

It's affected me a lot but I can't bring myself to talk to her about it. I am too nervous to bring it up because we can both be blunt and confrontational, and I don't think that dynamic works towards a productive conversation. Some of the situations happened so many years ago it feels petty to keep a grudge, but when a friend can't even offer to pay for a coffee when you've gone out of your way to help plan their wedding etc, it really does hurt.

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What do you struggle with the most?

I'm sick of hearing conversations where they will mention how the cost of living is so high and how their wedding cost so much money. We all are feeling the pressure and in our friend group we've all gone through weddings etc. When I try to plan fun things for us as a group, I'm constantly having to answer their questions to find better things to do that are cheaper - in my opinion, if you can't attend because of money, either find and suggest a cheaper alternative or don't attend at all.

Would love to get a responses on what I should do, I'm so conflicted! Should I cut the friendship off and let her know why, or just leave it and keep my distance?

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