"My husband hid debt from me and I just can’t let it go"
Navigating love and £20k debt while planning for parenthood—how do you balance love and finances?
I moved to England over 5 years ago for my job and lived in London for most of the time. I used to live in Ealing and commute to Blackfriars every day Pre-Covid. Then shortly before the first lockdown, I moved slightly outside of London and lived in Surrey near Reigate (I was already getting tired of the rat race and being cramped like an anchovy on the tube). Then after the first lockdown, I moved further South to Winchester, where I lived for a year before moving to Cyprus.
I work for a FinTech startup based in London. To be honest, ever since Covid, my employer has been really flexible on allowing people to work from anywhere (as long as they complied with the UK taxes) as the company had given up their office lease. We now have a new office where people can book a desk in advance and go if they want to. But there are no obligations to go in at any time. Half of our team is also based in the States so we were already very used to WFH prior to covid. It hasn't changed anyone's efficiency at all.
If it was up to me I would have moved to California, but visas and timezones made me reconsider my choice to a country that is somehow more accessible. And I had thought long and hard about moving to Cyprus before even moving to Winchester. I really wanted to go and live abroad during the first summer of the pandemic, as that was the perfect opportunity since everyone was completely remote, but the Cypriot borders weren't open to UK tourists so I decided to stay in England and move closer to the coast instead. Winchester was good enough - countryside without being too far from the sea and from the city.
I've also lived in several countries over the past 10 years so I am pretty used to this life of moving around- I was born in Belgium, but I always knew I'd be travelling around ever since I was a kid. I moved to Canada on my own when I was 23, then to Paris, Switzerland, the following year, then to London 6 months after being back from Geneva. England is where I have been the longest so far, and I consider it as my home.
The main reason? The weather! Today is the 21st of November, and I'm writing this sitting on my balcony, wearing shorts, it's 4 pm and still 22 degrees outside.
Cyprus is the warmest place in Europe during winter, with an average of 330 sunny days per year. During the 'colder months' (December and January) the average temperature is between 15 to 20 degrees. Say no more...
In addition to that, I am really keen on health and quality foods, and most of their fruits and vegetables are all local (they are also insanely cheap).
I guess I was in search of a better quality of life, with more sun, warmer temperatures, good food, and the sea (where you can actually swim without risking hypothermia).
Yes - I do work remotely. I have been here for two months already, and I am allowed to stay for a couple more months. I'm supposed to move back to the UK at some point in 2022.
As I'm originally from Belgium, it is pretty simple for me to get a residence card here. I just have to apply and provide a few documents such as proof of employment, private medical insurance and proof of address. The only thing is that their administration system is very lengthy and old-school, so you have to attend every appointment in person and can't submit anything online. For UK folks- I have heard from my ex-pat friends that the process is slightly more complicated since Brexit but doable.
Accommodation-wise, flats here are a lot cheaper. Think of the cheapest house-share in London Zone 1? Cheaper than that. But that is if you get a yearly tenancy contract. I am currently staying in an Airbnb until I have found an arrangement with my work, so my rent is double what people would normally pay, but even then, I am paying £150 less than what I was paying in Winchester where I had a 1 bed flat 36 sq/m for about £1200 with all charges. Whilst here I have a 100 sq/m 2-bed apartment, fully furnished, with a big balcony, South facing view on the sunset, with a massive pool in the complex and a 10 min walk away from the sea and city centre. It really is a no-brainer.
As much as I was incredibly scared up to a few days before moving out, I have to say that all my doubts and worries completely vanished as soon as I boarded the plane. I knew I had made the right decision. Two weeks in and I already had a new group of friends (it's amazing how the sun makes people so much more sociable!!!)
I have been here for two months and a half so far, and it has only rained for the first time yesterday. I was still swimming in a blue lagoon last Sunday with 28 degrees outside.
Overall, my quality of life is a lot better here. I used to get seasonal depression and anxiety in England, but all of this completely vanished ever since I got here. It's insane when you think of it.. but a few other ex-pats that I've met here have told me the exact same thing about them. I think that the sun is highly underestimated in Northern Europe, and the extra vitamin D will never replace what the sun does to your system.
I also think that moving away from a life of over-consumption and materialism was the best decision I could make. My life is a lot more simple here, I only came with two big suitcases and had to leave a lot behind in storage. But I wouldn't trade this new life for anything in the world. The daily sun and high-quality foods are what keep us in good health- not that materialistic life that keeps people in debt because they want to impress others.
Don't think of other people or family expectations of you- this is your life and you will be the only one ending up with regrets at the end of the day. Not them. My family being half Italian likes to have everyone close... But I am the black sheep who decided to live differently from everyone else and not settle down at 25. I always thought there is SO MUCH MORE to life than settling down in your 20's, buying a house and getting married. The world is so big and our time here is limited - make the most of it.
Don't wait too long. Amongst all my friends who said to me once that they were going to move abroad 'later'... well 10 years later, none of them did. The best timing is always now. You can't predict what will happen tomorrow. My father died in a car crash so I have always lived my life without planning too far ahead. I keep a 5 year plan but no longer than that.
*name changed
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