'My Grandad’s "for when I’m gone" file changed my life'

How to write your will

This week's story has been supported by Octopus Legacy, a company helping plan for death and find support after loss.

They’ve partnered with charities from across the UK to cover the cost of your will so you can write or update your will for FREE, saving you up to £250.

Writing a will is the perfect way to start creating a plan that makes life easier for the people you leave behind. With Octopus Legacy it’s not just a cold legal document - but a place to leave messages, share funeral wishes and much more.

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The Story

Tell me a bit about you and your life

I’m a marketing professional in my 30s. I live with my husband who’s a surgeon in the NHS in Bristol. I’m happiest when my toes are cold after a chilly dip on a misty morning or when we’re cooking up a feast in the kitchen. I come from a big and very close-knit family - the kind that love an afternoon of very competitive organised fun. 

Can you share more about the 'for when I'm gone' folder your grandad left behind?

A few years ago my Grandad died in a fairly routine operation on Christmas Eve. Although he’d lived a long and full life it was still a shock for our whole family. 

In the weeks that followed we uncovered a folder, that he’d titled ‘For When I’m Gone’ or FWIG for short. In it, he’d laid out his plan for what he wanted to happen when he died. He’d created it over decades, packing it with notes, practical plans and instructions.

What was in it, and how did it impact you and your family?

In the folder, he’d given us the toolkit with everything we’d need as a family. 

It included the practical bits - a will, his life insurance policy, a list of all of his accounts. But it went way beyond that too. From messages to my Gran and his children to instructions for his funeral, including a petition for a comedy sketch, to instructions on how to fix the perpetually leaky tap in the hallway (that only he knew how to mend). He’d even sat down and recorded the story of his life, complete with teenage antics. It was the ultimate handover document, prepping us to take on a world without him in it.

It had the most incredible impact on our family. For the funeral we didn’t have the excruciating process of second-guessing what he would have wanted and wondering if we’d done him justice - it was all there in front of us. Each time the leaky tap breaks it’s like he’s there with you, taking you through the process of mending it step by step. And being able to access his voice and the stories from his childhood is probably the most valuable item any of us own.

We still felt grief and shock - nothing could have taken that away, but the moments after his death where his absence would have been most felt were softened by the notes and instructions he’d left us, leaving us feeling that he was still with us somehow, even though he was gone.

Do you think this folder changed the way you think about preparing for the future or leaving a legacy for your loved ones?

Even though my Grandad tended to take planning to the next level, and make even the hardest administrative process look like a breeze, it has taught us that planning ahead in this way really does matter and that it doesn’t have to be morbid or grim.

It prompted countless discussions and debates about our own funeral wishes as a family, for us all to start our own version of a FWIG folder and for us to sit down with our other grandparents to record a DIY version of desert island discs. I couldn’t recommend this more to anyone - the stories you uncover!

Being more open to these conversations hasn’t just made any future losses easier, but it’s also brought us closer - I’ve learnt things about my family that I would never have uncovered if we hadn’t had those conversations.  

How did the more personal touches, like the comedy sketch, affect the way you remembered your grandad?

We never would have been brave enough to include a comedy sketch in his funeral without his say-so. Not only did it change the day itself - creating space for proper laughter on a sad day, but it meant that the service felt like him and a celebration of his life. 

Not just that but I love that he left something that is the perfect reminder of how he showed his love - he wasn’t showy with his love but he was incredibly practical, thoughtful and funny. It’s a physical version of the very best parts of him.

Has this inspired you to create something similar for your own family, or to leave behind a meaningful legacy in other ways?

Absolutely. It’s changed the way I think about planning for death - from something cold, morbid and purely practical to something much bigger. 

I’ve got my own folder. My partner and I have had countless conversations planning our funerals from the cocktails served to what we want to be buried with. Every one of these conversations has taught me something new about him which I’ve loved.

It’s encouraged me to have these conversations with other members of my family and to sit down with my other grandparents and record their desert island discs. 

And it’s made me want to yell and people who say this conversation is ‘morbid' and 'it won’t matter anyway because I'll be dead'. Because actually it doesn’t need to be morbid, and it does matter - if not for you, for the people you’ll leave behind.

Looking back, how do you think your grandad’s approach to preparing for his passing has shaped your views on life, death, and the way we support one another in difficult times?

Absolutely. We plan for so many other events in our lives - of course, we should plan for the one event we can all be confident will happen. 

His plan taught me that planning for death is so much more than just the practical stuff (although they are important too) - and that there is a real chance to make a plan that is truly yours. 

I don’t think his FWIG folder made the shock of his death any less painful, but I do know it created space for us to focus on what really mattered, and to feel like he was there in key moments in the weeks, months and years that have followed.

Mostly it’s taught me that death isn’t as final as we thought and that there are ways of still being there for the people you love, even after you're gone. 

This week's story has been supported by Octopus Legacy, a company helping plan for death and find support after loss.

They’ve partnered with charities from across the UK to cover the cost of your will so you can write or update your will for FREE, saving you up to £250.

Writing a will is the perfect way to start creating a plan that makes life easier for the people you leave behind. With Octopus Legacy it’s not just a cold legal document - but a place to leave messages, share funeral wishes and much more.

You can write your will in a few simple steps:

1️⃣ Click this button or follow this link.

Your free will

2️⃣ Choose a charity to write or update your will with from the list provided.

3️⃣ Choose the right will writing service for you.

4️⃣ Lay out your wishes:

• • Over the phone or in person in an appointment with one of our experts.
  • Online by following the step-by-step process.

5️⃣ Legal experts will review your will.

6️⃣ Your will is sent to you with instructions on how to sign it, making it legally binding.

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